14 Tips to Listen Well
Have you ever been in a conversation where someone just made assumptions about your point of view, need, or perspective? If you’re like us, you probably found that response quite annoying, or even dismissive (even if they didn’t mean it like that).
When it comes to sharing our faith in the power of the Spirit, we must make sure not to repeat that mistake.
In order to go and make disciples, we must learn how to listen well.
Here are some examples:
Someone hobbles up to you on crutches, and you assume they most want healing for their leg - when in fact what they really want heart healing for an emotional wound.
A neighbor starts telling you about difficulties they're having with their teenager, and you launch into problem solving mode - when actually their greatest need is to have someone listen with kindness, and to gently pray for them at the end.
A work colleague starts to vent anger at God over a loss of a family member, and you think they’re wanting to discuss a theology of suffering - when in fact they most need a compassionate friend to stand with them, even hug them.
Jesus the Listener
Fortunately for us, Jesus is an excellent listener! So to grow in this area, we simply need to follow His example.
In the story of Bartimaeus, when the blind man’s shout stops the whole parade, Jesus just asks, “What do you want me to do for you?” (Mark 10:51)
He didn’t make assumptions, but rather He helped Bartimaeus share in ownership of the situation. Jesus wanted him to feel heard, and to honor Bartimaeus’ value as a person.
When you approach Jesus for something, He never considers you an irritation. Even when we come with mixed motives, He is still so happy that we would seek His love and blessing. So we must never be hesitant about approaching God for our needs.
Even more, we can play a beautiful role as spiritual midwives, helping our lost friends, neighbors, family, and colleagues realize that they too can approach the living God.
In all likelihood, they won’t feel worthy, or will worry about what the correct protocol is (often preferring us to pray on their behalf at first), or simply find the whole thing overwhelming. But we can be there as their friend, bringing them to Jesus, which is greatest gift we can offer anyone.
But to do this well, we must discipline ourselves to LISTEN, and also to ask good QUESTIONS.
To help us grow, we’ve created a 3 part series on listening.
In this post we’re going to share with you 14 tips to listen well.
Next time we’ll give you some specific examples of questions that you can ask to move more intentionally into spiritual, and even salvation, conversations.
Finally we’ll refresh your thinking with a few practical tips on how to listen to God better while in your place of mission.
14 Tips to Listen Well
Start from a heart of love for that person.
If that person is a bit of a struggle for you, in your head pray, "God, please give me your Father's heart for this person right now!”What are they actually saying? What are they implying?
Don't be the attention getter but the attention giver.
Don't control the conversation. It's absolutely fine to leave conversations open ended.
Be non-judgmental in your tone.
If they express a point of view with which you don’t agree, ask about what led them to that perspective. We value them as a person and their viewpoint, whether or not it coincides with ours.Choose generosity of spirit. Let your heart go out to them.
Keep in mind: How are you making the other person feel?
Relaxed? Welcomed? Understood? Kindly challenged? Condemned? Fearful?Don't push anyone into a conversation they're clearly not comfortable with.
Make it enjoyable! Adding lightness and humor can be so helpful to keep it pleasurable.
Be authentic - which means you need to be vulnerable and open as well.
Think of your body language.
e.g. Are you looking at them the whole time?If you are easily distracted and need help concentrating, repeat back to them what you hear. Asking follow up questions will also help.
No platitudes.
You’re a Jesus follower - bring HIS wisdom!Trust the Holy Spirit.
The aim is not to close a deal, or win an argument, but to build relationships and demonstrate God's love.
You could summarize this list by noting that it is all about building relational capital. Usually that takes a while. People need to know we truly love them and aren’t just scalp hunting.
Here’s the Full Video, including 14 Tips to Listen Well
Homework on Listening Better
Which tips on the list are you good at?
Which ones do you need to work on?
